There aren’t any single good men left to be found in New York City. That’s the way it is. everybody keeps telling us. When Deanna* relocated to the city at the end of 2021, it was her turn to determine if there was any truth in this claim. Single after his boyfriend, who was with her for three years broke up with her via Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was during this time that a private Facebook page called Is we Dating The Same Guy NYC became the recommended follow. It had a rigorous prescreening survey as well as community guidelines that acted as a barrier to entry. It was also 43,000 members strong. Deanna was interested, and she joined.
The community
The group – which began with the goal of helping women find out if their loved ones were seeing other people – was launched in the month of March 2022. Nearly every major US city has one of these groups now and the rules for all are clear: Anyone has the right to write anonymously, without doxxing or sharing sensitive data, and under no circumstances can screenshots be taken away from the group. There is no bullies, no victim-blaming or hate speech. Never let a man know that he’s been listed in the group. Following the scandal the scandal of West Elm Caleb, an individual with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots online, it seemed many women were looking to seek out similar men to him.Read more https://datingfortodaysman.com/ At website Articles A TikTok user said in the moment This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is, in fact, what this group had become at the time Deanna joined. Each time, Are We Dating the Same Guy can be used as a place for women who seek romantic advice or want to warn about people with whom they’ve experienced bad dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is it’s the act of contacting out other women to entice them via social media-has also become common. It’s not difficult to slip into a rabbit hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, stories of hookups that went wrong, and memes about the woes of modern dating. Many of the most popular posts feature images of men with their first name, and asking whether anyone has ever matched or dated the person who is who is in question. Emojis of the red flag are a frequent sight on the few but alarming posts warning the group of an ex-partner or a bad time usually accompanied by the downward arrow, and the terrifying sentence See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our lives in recent years in recent years, with a recent study revealing that around 39 percent of heterosexual couples meet their loved ones online. It is therefore logical that the social element of romance would adapt to the digital age. Instead, of sitting with the same group of people drinking a glass of wine or venting to colleagues, we are seeking the counsel of 43,000 women experiencing similar, and in some cases very similar-experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie * another group member. Not to say that there’s not some advantages that exist however, it was beneficial to me to reframe my perspective on dating. It’s not a competition for women with each other, however it is instead holding men to a much higher standard than before.
It’s not lost on me, however, that some of the behavior that’s supported and facilitated in Are We the Dating the Same Guy would be an issue if displayed by prospective suitors. Photos, private discussions, and screenshots posted without the permission of the other person or knowledge are numerous. People dig up social media profiles on a near daily basis. It’s not hard in order for a prospective date to be called hot. Though Deanna is a fan of being part of the group, she has reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she says. But I’m thinking you’ll come across the problem that you can end up with this echo chamber of ‘Men’s had us pushed around all day, we’re going to give it back.
Our society is still the patriarchal system
The world is still the patriarchal system, and until we’re truly equal this online interaction will be different depending on the background of each individual. Yet, can a group like this truly be committed to empowering itself on one side on the other hand and be a source of reprehensible to the point of being incensed on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? Hyperlocal and inter-personal-only for people who live and meet in the same city that the group is located in. The women, and the guys they discuss could be your next-door neighbor or coworker, friend, relative, or perhaps your most recently Hinge match. Yet, there’s a sense of depersonalization associated with working on the internet, making the whole experience feel like games. It’s not too far to say this is objectifying to the dates in both of the groups. Especially when the details about private interactions, conversations or even photos are made public without their knowledge or consent, often for the purpose of sheer entertainment.